For You, My Overthinker

So the final Q&A session in the 2021 Ultimate New Year Workshop series took an unexpected turn.

Almost everyone had some version of “This year’s been so full on already. I feel totally overwhelmed/numb/in my head about things. What do I do?”

Grateful you asked. Because I’ve spent YEARS getting overthinkers out of their head and into their heart. (Some of the biggest breakthroughs I have are with those kinds of clients.)

And in case you were wondering, yes - it’s easy to get ‘stuck’ spinning your wheels in indifference. Especially when it comes to doing the Demartini Method by yourself. So don’t fret - you’re in the perfect company :)

Mostly it happens for 3 reasons:

1. It’s the nature of the work. You’re literally thinking through your problems.

2. You subconsciously want to stay in control.

3. There’s a different root problem behind the problem.

Let’s go through how to solve each of them in order:

FIRST, YOU WANT TO GIVE YOUR MIND A QUICK SERVICE CHECK

No matter what you’re working through or how you’re dissolving it, you’ll pass through 3 stages:

Charge (and there are squillions of levels here), then indifference, then love.

The first and last are easily recognisable. But there’s a fine line that catches people between indifference and love. (A favourite place for over-intellectualisers to stall and stay put.)

When you reach indifference it can sometimes feel like the wind’s been taken out of your sails. You intellectually know that there are equal benefits and drawbacks to a person or dynamic, but you don’t FEEL it.

You’ve found benefits in the moment and are grateful but still secretly think, “I wish [insert dynamic] was different.” (For comparison, see how it feels different to: “Thank you. I love you. I’m grateful I got to experience this.” See that? One SEEMS balanced, but the other FEELS balanced.)

So I’m going to tell you something a little controversial: allow yourself to feel.

Whether it’s numb, or frustrated, or any other emotion. Let it be your signpost to what is still lingering in your perceptions. I call this “following the feeling”.

That means you can feel your way to knowing what to resolve and dissolve.

Because you can’t heal what you don’t feel.

If you want a check-in, you can ask yourself this quality question as a test: "What’s still in the way of me loving this individual?" (Or dynamic.)

Remember, you’re human and as long as you remain human, you’re going to feel things.

And feel things often.

The key is not to push them down or not feel, but to treat them as your teachers: there’s a lesson (and a gift) in every charge.

I learned a long time ago, every great breakthrough requires thinking AND feeling. So lean into it.

Stay tuned for next week - part 2 is a sneaky - but vital - one.

In the meantime, sending you a big warm fuzzy hug (oh feel that yummy-ness).

Tanya x

PS - If you’d love guidance in dissolving your stuff, weekly help with me is right here.

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