How To Lose Friends And Influence No One

27 year old me was so naive.

Allow me to set the scene for you:

I’m at this hole-in-the-wall Greek Restaurant called Estia’s with my sister Natasha and her friend. I’m feeling like Tanya 2.0 after a life-changing personal development seminar a few months before.

And Ella (the friend) shares with me that she has cancer.

She says it casually enough that I responded in my usual style - i.e. with helpful insight and without fluff:

“Cancer is caused by black and white thinking.”

Can tell you straight up: this is how you lose friends and influence no one. I doubt even Mary Poppin’s spoonful of sugar would have helped our dearest Ella swallow my life-advice pill.

She was shocked.

Natasha was eyes-bugging, splotchy red cheek mad at me. “How dare you speak to my friend like that??!! You have no idea how tough this is for her!!” (Shouty capitals and colourful word choices not included.)

I tell ya, {first_name}. We put on a show that Estia’s hosts could have charged for and Netflix would have turned into a mega hit drama.

Side note: Natasha and I never fought. I know this is extreme language but we never disagreed, raised our voices, cat scratched each other… our entire life.

I loved her (still do) and by this point I had realised that most of my friends just weren’t on the same page as me.

They just didn’t care about personal growth or other cool stuff that I did - like doing what you love and making moolah (AKA lots of money) from it. Or getting to talk about deep stuff and explore the mysteries of human behaviour and the universe. I hadn’t found another new circle where I could jive and nerd out on personal development stuff yet. Or even other people to help me understand this new perspective on life.

Even so, Natasha was one of the only people who I still loved hanging around.

We didn't speak for months after our big fat greek cat fight. So of course I felt even more lonely and misunderstood.

Looking back, it was my own doing really. When I first started delving into personal development, I tried hard to stay connected with my old life.

But New And Expanded Tanya (with her growth mindset) didn’t fit in with the friendships I had before.

Turns out, casting your pearls of wisdom before your non-personal-development friends ask for them does not make a long-lasting relationship.

It does make life lonely though.

You can probably relate. You learn an insight that moves you and changes your life. You want to share that with the people you love, thinking they’ll be as profoundly shifted as you. But they don’t get it. Or they don’t care. Or worse, they think you’re attacking them. (I call upon the feta & olive Gods as witness to this fact.)

So people drop off. You drift from one friend circle to another but never really click. And it gets lonely, fast.

But the truth is, no matter how far along the journey you are, you’re going to grow faster than others. And at each new level, it gets harder to find people who think like you.

Expanded minds are rare, {first_name}. Especially if the only place you congregate is expensive seminars two or three times a year, like we all used to back in the day.

And The ‘Rona has influenced our ability to connect socially in the land of online seminars.

But fear not.

You have now found where the rest of us hang out. You’ve found your peeps!

So welcome to Maximum Growth Community.

Whether you are a member, a past member, a contemplating being a member or just on the sidelines, we have our Students of Wisdom Facebook group. Connect with other self-growers like you and come to a higher level of understanding together.

This group is a chance for you to share your thoughts, your presence and your wisdom (or just lurk and listen if that’s more your style.)

Consider this your invitation to the Greek Restaurant conversation that could have been.

I’d love to see you on the inside there and have your unique voice in the room, {first_name}.

And send this along to anyone who you think would make a great student of wisdom, too. If they’re like you, at all, they’re welcome in our world.

Can’t wait to dive into more deep discussions with you!

Have a beautiful week,

Tanya x


Leadership Coach

Counsellor & Master Certified Demartini Method Facilitator

Maximum Growth: Private & Group Coaching Available


PS - Margaret Mead famously said, “never underestimate the power of a small group of people to change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” We are tiny but mighty together.


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